A letter to my family

I am thankful to have such a supportive family. Sometimes, I am amazed at the credit they give me: suggesting I should run for president (even if according to some I am a flaming communist), establish world order, or that I could single-handedly turn the tides at the shake of my wand. I have a built-in, well-established, eternally-loving support system – and that is not something everyone can say.

Of course, the reality is I will never become president, nor will I establish world order, and I do not have a magic wand, all though should I ever have the means that would be the first endeavor I would invest in.

It’s funny, because with all of the credit and support my family gives me they sometimes belittle a few of the everyday decisions that I make and discuss the flaws amongst themselves. Oddly, it is those little decisions that reflect my true nature. This is evident because I don’t have to ponder “what would my family think” when I make career decisions. When I make a personal decision, however, it plagues me to think how my family might perceive it. I make lists of pros and cons, I try to assess how each decision will ultimately play into my life’s plan and often times forget about what my opinion is for the sake of upholding my “image” in the family.

Well, after I graduated from college, I felt I had some flexibility. After weighing for months on what my family would think, I ultimately decided I was going to go against the grain and move in with my boyfriend. I’m sure this is something that you are all aware of already.

Few family members fully comprehend how I grew up and those who can even partially grasp it have disappeared and I haven’t spoken to them in years. When I contemplate why they left the family it saddens me because I understand it – it is not infrequent that in the family’s attempt to help and support it comes off as gossipy or judgemental.

I was fortunate enough to have the world’s most loving parents. Even when they completely screw up in ways almost unfathomable to me, they continue to teach me and I become wiser through their mistakes. While I hope to never repeat some of their missteps, I will ultimately screw up as well and I only hope that it will allow my children to be as independent and thoughtful as I have tried to become. With that being said, I thank my family for their relentless (and I mean relentless) dedication towards making me the best I can be. I strive, as I grow older and wiser, to make my own mistakes without the fear that my family has disapproved all along. I hope that my family will accept and embrace my passions, loves, boyfriends, and whatever/whoever else. But most importantly, I hope my family knows that they are stuck with me – I, too, will be undoubtedly stubborn and opinionated.

I am glad to be an unruly fabric woven into our eclectic mess of a family.

Merry Christmas